My fellow Americans.
As you know, once a year I have the privilege of addressing you from the White House to give you our current state of the Union. However, this year will be different; I have no State of the Union address to give at this time due to squeezing matters… I mean pressing matters that I must attend to. Let me assure you once again, however, that everything is fine and we are doing everybody we can. I mean, everything we can to improve the quality of life in this country. Beyond that, I can only say that my pants are zipped… I mean my lips are
zipped… sealed… and that the State of the Union Address will be forthcoming (can I say cumming on national television???) at a later date.
Thank you, and good night.
Originally published December, 1997.