State of the Union, 2006

As seen by the President as it scrolls across the teleprompter

My citizens… fellow citizens… of the United States, Senators, Congressmen and Congresswomen, distinguished guests: welcome.
And thank you for allowing me to spend some time… some important time… this evening with all of you.

You know, we live in a great country.

The greatest country on the face of the planet and in the whole, entire history of the world. I’m proud to live in this country; to be an American citizen. And I’m prouder still that you all have chosen me to be your president. I’m proud for the courage of our troops, some of whom are seated here tonight…

and for the unselfishness of the American people who have spent great time, effort and money in bringing democracy to oppressed nations around the world like Afghanistan. And Iraq. And Libya. And I’m thankful. I’m thankful that God has given me the strength to help lead that effort and the courage to face tough choices, and make hard decisions.

This job of being president requires me to make some hard choices. It requires me to look at the big picture… to see what’s really going on in various parts of the world and to make the right choice in defending the American people. We need to be constantly on the lookout for the proliferation of nuculear weapons and other weapons of mass destruction. We need to be vigilant in fighting the "War on terr’r". We need to be able to move quickly and with authority to prevent another tragedy like September 11, 2001 from ever happening in this country.

I will not allow another bunch of murderers and terr’rists to propogate such an horrendous attack on this country.

As I stated, my job… my number 1 job as president is to protect the American people.

We are at war. We face an inhuman enemy that is out to destroy us and our way of life.

You need to trust me to fulfill my responsibility to protect the American people. To that end, I am requiring that Congress act quickly to implement the changes that I am going to propose here tonight.

First, and foremost, Congress needs to grant to the president the authority to act as he sees fit in any given situation. The time required to follow proper channels and get all of “our ducks in a row” is far too long to actually prevent the terr’rists from succeeding. If Congress fails to act on this immediately, I am prepared to sign an executive order granting all privileges to the discretion of the president in fighting the "War on Terr’r".

Secondly, I am authorizing Congress, in conjunction with the National Security Agency, to launch an investigation into the state of democracy around the world, and I’m appointing Vice President Cheney to spearhead this effort. "If you’re not with us, you’re against us". We will be probing all foreign governments to determine whether or not they truly are our friends, or if they’re in the camp of our enemies. This silly infighting and bickering among our allies around the world has got to stop. It’s unproductive. It’s harming our image in various backwater countries. How are we going to encourage them to move in the direction of democracy when we can’t agree on anything?

When I say "encourage" I mean encourage by any and all means necessary to promote the establishment of healthy, free societies all over the world. Listen, our best defense is to help other nations of the world, the people of these other nations, see and experience the benefits of living in a democratic society. We’re in a battle for the hearts and minds of oppressed people all over the world. If we let them have a taste of the same freedoms we have there will be no reason for them to want to destroy us. That’s why we went into Iraq. And Afghanistan. The people of those countries were living under brutal regimes and they were crying out for freedom. We gave them what they wanted. And they love us for it.

Next, we need Social Security reform. I spoke to you briefly, last year at this time, but for some reason, Congress has failed to accept my proposal. It is imperative that Congress act to change the way Social Security is administered. We have a huge shortfall coming, and I want to head it off before it becomes an emergency. We simply don’t have enough money to fulfill our obligations to aging Americans. We need to increase the retirement age to 72 or even 75 to allow Americans to continue to put money into their retirement.

A healthy, average American can expect to live, on average, about 77 years. So, extending the retirement age to 75 should not pose an undue hardship on any American worker.

We need to allow American workers to establish private retirement accounts in the stocks and bonds market. That is an idea that makes sense. It’s good for the people. It’s good for American business. Good for American business means it’s good for our economy. And good for our economy means it can help ease these outrageous budget deficits we are facing. Privatization of Social Security should be one of Congress’ primary focuses this year.

Lastly, I am calling a special emergency session of Congress to begin immediately in the morning. We are going to, together, hammer out a new direction for this country… a new Constitutional Congress if you will. My chief of staff will have a preliminary version of this new sacred document delivered to your offices before 7:00 a.m. I want an amendment to protect marriage. I want better limits on frivolous lawsuits. I want authority granted to the president to pursue any and all means to defeat the terr’rists who want to destroy this country. I want Congress to dispense with these multiple, baseless investigations and probes that are costing hard working Americans’ tax dollars. With those tax dollars free, we can direct more funds to defeating the terr’rists. I want the "New Patriot Act" passed without hesitation. I want certain provisions—specifically those dealing with the military recruiters and sharing of information—of the "No Child Left Behind Act" extended. Only when all these issues and others that you will see in the document tomorrow have been addressed will we equipped to defeat the terr’rists and win this war.

I am your president and I am asking you to trust me. I know what is best for the American people.